Santa's Secret Minion

Some of you may remember the magic sweater that Stella received for Christmas last year. It was truly an amazing phenomenon! Everytime my girl put that sweater on Stella, she froze in place and wouldn't move.

This year Santa heard my request for something Stella-sized that would work in much the same way as the magic sweater. One of his secret minion from the North sent us a VERY merry package of loot, inside of which was a fantastically paralyzing winter coat for Stella. It looks like a wetsuit, but has fleece inside. As soon as my girl put it on her, she froze in place.

The undercarriage of the coat has gorgeous white hibiscus flowers on a red background.

The back of the coat sports a skull and crossbones, with a kicky little hibiscus flower perched jauntily on it's head. It's kind of kick-ass-cute.

The reason you are seeing so many photos of this AMAZING coat is because Stella was immobilized for the entire time she was wearing it.

Who says there's no Santa Paws?!

To illustrate the powers of this coat, look at the next two photos. This first photo is of Stella when she left in the car with our hoogirl to go visit our buddy Hercules.

This is Stella over 30 minutes later when they arrived at Herc's house. My girl said she looked back once during the trip and saw Stella leaning her forehead against the back of the seat, but other than that, no movement!

Even if there had been no other loot in that package I would have been one happy goober. But WAIT! There was more. I let Stella investigate first. (Actually, our girl had me go outside to burn off some energy while Stella got the first crack at our other gifts.)

After a thorough inspection of the contents of the box...

Stella proved she has impeccable taste by pulling out the peg-legged pirate chicken!

My girl tried to get Stella to play fetch with him, but as soon as she got him in her jaws...

She drug him over to her condo,

and proceeded to take him hostage!

If not for the long arm of our girl, he would never have been heard from again!

Once I arrived on the scene and heard that fabulous squawking I was mesmerized. Just look at his chest hair.

I was so entranced that I confess I went a little Elvis on him as I went in for my first taste!

I checked him from head...

to

foot. Strange, though. He didn't taste like chicken.

No matter. He honks and squawks FABulously. It is just at the right frequency to provide maximum annoyance to my catbro, Merv.

Meanwhile, Stella had a standoff with the moose we found in the package.

Once our girl extricated her from the magic coat, she proceeded to take that moose to the sundeck on the roof of her condo. As you can imagine, he is no longer with us, but he sacrificed himself so that other squeakies may live.

You might be asking yourself just WHO IS Santa's secret minion who sent such a luscious load of fab prezzies? It was none other than Stella's diva mentor, that maven of fashion, and Joe Stain's main squeeze... Sophie La Brador!!

Sophie!!! You have made my YEAR with that magic coat! We LOVE YOU and are STINKIN' thankful you are our dear goober bud!! Thanks for thinking of us this Christmas, and for being so tight with the big fat guy!

Love,

Stanley & Stella

Christmas Wrasslin' Reprise

Because it was such a freakish fiasco last year, we have opted to reprise a photo essay from last year's Christmas season for your viewing pleasure. My girl also snuck this first photo in just because she loves my fuzz face.

Here it is. Wrasslin' 'round the santa hat!

You know, even though I won that wrasslin' match, as you can see in the next photo, I actually lost.

Love,

Stanley

Santoober Claws

I've been trying to post my letter to Santa Claws (or Santa Paws, if you prefer). My girl insisted I pose in my Santa hat... sort of a Goober Santa Claws, hence, Santoober Claws. I wasn't that into wearing the hat, and Stella had other plans for it.

I finally got the thing away from The Stellanator, but it's really not my style. (I don't believe in impersonating the Santa Claws, so sue me). This is the best photo my girl could get with me "wearing" the hat.




Now, here's my letter to the great 4-legged jolly one, himself.

Dear Santa Claws,

We don't know each other well, but I know you're good at your job, and you've always had my back.

Last year at this time I didn't have a home, and you came through for me. I really owe you, man. If I didn't say it enough, I'm sorry. But, Santa... dude... THANKS FOR MY HOOMAN GIRL! You matched us up better than E-Harmony could have.

(As a side note ~ and I thought you'd think this was funny ~ my girl filled out their personality profile on line to appease some friends. When you're done filling it out it asks you if you'd like to see a sample match of someone who might be a good fit. You can specify if you're willing to meet someone regionally, nationally, or you can have them search their worldwide database for a match. She chose to go global, and guess what? NOT ONE MATCH... in the whole wide world! Incidentally, she and her friends blow raspberries at the TV everytime E-Harmony dares to aire a commercial, then she collapses into deep belly laughs.)

This year I have four requests. I don't know how much you can do about the first one, and I'm sure I'm not the only pup to ask for your help with this, but could you please bring a peaceful end to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? I know it's more complicated then just making it end, but do what you can, man.

My second request is much more mundane. I would like, very much, if you could curb my sissy, Stella's fascination with my beard and my booty. She likes to bite at both, and I'm soon going to be bald in my nether regions just as it's getting cold outside.

My third request is for all my pup, kitty, hammie and coyote friends out there! Do what you can to make them all the healthiest they can possibly be and free from pain. I'm especially thinking of my buds JaffaMan, Casper, Finnegan, and Jackson.

Because I was a homeless pup this time last year, my last request is for all those other animals out there who are needing a furever home. Could you do for them what you did for me, please? I'd really appreciate it.

I know it's your busy season, but be sure to take care of yourself, Santa. When you stop by our house we'll be sure to have a nice selection of bull pizzle, liver treats, and cheeses. If you have something special you'd like to drink, just let me know.

Santa, I apologize for the poor impersonation of you. It was my girl's idea.









Goober love, Christmas smooches, and Thanks,

Stanley