Santoober Claws

I've been trying to post my letter to Santa Claws (or Santa Paws, if you prefer). My girl insisted I pose in my Santa hat... sort of a Goober Santa Claws, hence, Santoober Claws. I wasn't that into wearing the hat, and Stella had other plans for it.

I finally got the thing away from The Stellanator, but it's really not my style. (I don't believe in impersonating the Santa Claws, so sue me). This is the best photo my girl could get with me "wearing" the hat.




Now, here's my letter to the great 4-legged jolly one, himself.

Dear Santa Claws,

We don't know each other well, but I know you're good at your job, and you've always had my back.

Last year at this time I didn't have a home, and you came through for me. I really owe you, man. If I didn't say it enough, I'm sorry. But, Santa... dude... THANKS FOR MY HOOMAN GIRL! You matched us up better than E-Harmony could have.

(As a side note ~ and I thought you'd think this was funny ~ my girl filled out their personality profile on line to appease some friends. When you're done filling it out it asks you if you'd like to see a sample match of someone who might be a good fit. You can specify if you're willing to meet someone regionally, nationally, or you can have them search their worldwide database for a match. She chose to go global, and guess what? NOT ONE MATCH... in the whole wide world! Incidentally, she and her friends blow raspberries at the TV everytime E-Harmony dares to aire a commercial, then she collapses into deep belly laughs.)

This year I have four requests. I don't know how much you can do about the first one, and I'm sure I'm not the only pup to ask for your help with this, but could you please bring a peaceful end to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan? I know it's more complicated then just making it end, but do what you can, man.

My second request is much more mundane. I would like, very much, if you could curb my sissy, Stella's fascination with my beard and my booty. She likes to bite at both, and I'm soon going to be bald in my nether regions just as it's getting cold outside.

My third request is for all my pup, kitty, hammie and coyote friends out there! Do what you can to make them all the healthiest they can possibly be and free from pain. I'm especially thinking of my buds JaffaMan, Casper, Finnegan, and Jackson.

Because I was a homeless pup this time last year, my last request is for all those other animals out there who are needing a furever home. Could you do for them what you did for me, please? I'd really appreciate it.

I know it's your busy season, but be sure to take care of yourself, Santa. When you stop by our house we'll be sure to have a nice selection of bull pizzle, liver treats, and cheeses. If you have something special you'd like to drink, just let me know.

Santa, I apologize for the poor impersonation of you. It was my girl's idea.









Goober love, Christmas smooches, and Thanks,

Stanley