Flamingos Beware

So. I found me a flamingo.

Actually, I killed me a flamingo... I think.

There I was minding my own business when this giant, pink-winged creature flies over my executive office (the backyard). I bark at it in salute, and it falls dead out of the sky - with NO LEGS! All I can guess is that the sound waves from my massive bark of greeting were simply too powerful, and knocked that flamingo off his flight pattern and right into my yard. He must have been pretty scared, because his body was completely petrified (hard as fine plastic) by the time he hit the ground.

I thought for a moment, "Is someone trying to mess with me here?", and I checked in with my cameragirl. But then I realized that if I didn't snatch him up quick-like, someone else would. So I decided to rescue him from his certain fate in the trash can. (I wonder if he knew any of the flamingos who used to pose in front of the house by the bushes...)

I wasn't about to leave him in the yard to rot, (and who wants to let a good flamingo go to waste?) so I brought him into the house and settled in for some good chewing.

Mmmmmm. (*Licking lips in ecstacy*) I hope nobirdy is waiting for him to arrive somewhere. (*Slathering the flamingo with Stanley slime*) Is there a hotline I could call to make a petrified flamingo notification?

Love,

Stanley